knobs knockers and uv paint...hello blackpool

This is the story of two girls that decided to go to blackpool one day...
Driving along all of a sudden ' oh no i think ive left my makeup at home'
' your joking' ' nooooooo'
So we get back to kellys house reclaim the makeup and off we go for the second time... surely nothing else can go wrong right??
'Why is the traffic going so slow??'
Looks in front and there are several funeral cars.
Ohhhh how great!
So after what seems like forever the cars finally disappear and were ready to go.
After 2 hours driving to blackpool we arrive in the town and follow the sat nav thinking about where it is taking us, praying the hotel will be alright but i had doubts.....

ALOHA HOTEL the sign said, and believe me it wasnt saying hello to me, this place looked horrendous like the place of horrors...eeek.
We then discovered there was no parking and we would have to face the fact of paying £15.00 for 2 nights to park, outrageous i know!
So we walked up to the hotel of doom and pressed the bell, minutes later a strange looking man appeared, he looked at us with this look that i can only describe as i want to kill you, so we took a deep breath and walked in. I looked around and the place looked deserted, i thought im not leaving here alive, he then showed us to the 'bar' which looked like it hadnt seen daylight for years. We were then shown to our room which was at the top of some stairs, as he opened the door our first thoughts was oh my god i want to go home, the room was a dimly lit pit of hell which had stunning views of some stairs and nothing else, there was a wardrobe from the 1950s and another cupboars, there was a double bed and a single which both had bedding on them which looked like something my great grandma would own. We also noticed that the bedsheet was inside out which made me think what are they trying to hide. The room also had a very strange smell. The next thing we heard this sound coming from next door i cant really desribe the sound but it was one of them noises that starts to grate on you after abit. We shortly after discovered this sound went off everytime someone used the toilet ( the only toilet in the building)
We laughed and said hey how bad can it be...
We then found a leaflet which described the hotel and we discovered the man in question had a wife which made us feel better knowing he cant be the murderer we thought he was but then again he can still murder when he has a wife.
Next we decided to go investigate blackpool itself(we wanted to get as far away from the hotel of doom as possible)
we started our trip by walking the golden mile from one end of blackpool to the other, on the way we noticed there was hundreds of hotels which were cheaper than ours and actually looks livable oh dear!
anyway we carried on walking and noticed there was hundreds of 'tack' shops which stocked items that no person in the right mind would ever buy i mean who really wants a rock cock? or a snowglobe saying blackpool? or some sunglasses saying blackpool - which also said no pictures until you have purchased, also every shop sold liquid gold, i mean what is this stuff is it a local thing?
We also discovered a market called bonny market which sold random stuff like jesus bracelets and knock off perfume, was this whole town just full of tack?
Anyway we carried on walking and noticed there was 3 piers, i mean how many do they need? we also noticed they didnt have normal taxis instead they had horse and carriages many of which were pink...
Next we discovered the waterpark which in reality is just a leisure centre which featured just one slide and we noticed peter andre was the newest addition to louis tussauds waxworks..oh dear.
Anyway eventually we reached the end of 'the golden mile' which took us to the pleasure beach.
Unfortunately we didnt have any money to visit this so we turned back and went to mcdonalds, after the long treck back we arrived back at the hotel of doom.
After debating for several minutes whether to risk going in the shower which we previously discovered was disgusting and probably riddled with disease i decided to risk it.
The shower room was right next to peoples rooms so they could probably hear everything. I tried not to step on the bare floor as i didnt want to catch anything!
The whole time i was in the shower from hell i kept looking out thinking there is probably a camera filming me so the murderer can watch eurghhhh!
After the shower of hell i went back to the room and we started getting ready and drinking vodka from mugs..yes mugs!
After spending forever watching the saturdays on tv and doing various poses in the room of doom we set off into blackpool. Straight away we thought its a bit dead! and i felt abit overdressed....
We went to walkabout and thought fuck it lets get drunk, we noticed it was full of 17 year olds and straight away noticed a bunch of fitties and then set it our challenge to talk to them..... Instead we sat on the stage and got harrassed by 2 scottish men who didnt believe that we was 21, they kept trying to talk to us so we just blanked them.
Our next stop was flares well it would have been if they belived that it was me on my id, yes they actually didnt think it was me and told me to go...i mean who else is it going to be exactly??
We next went to Che bar, famous for its vodka jelly shots and that mans face. After being there for about 5 minutes kelly noticed a hot blonde guy in the corner, she kept trying to look at him all night...
Several drinks later we was having a dance off with some random guy to lady gagas smash hit just dance...oh dear, we also took our shoes off to then be told by this fat ageing bouncer to put them back on, of course we did..for one minute until he had gone...he kept catching us so we just laughed and ran off. Towards the end of the night we were harassed by a peter stringfellow inposter who said ' fancy a dance' at this point we decided it was time to go...
We then walked to the nearest fast food joint which was called 'feast about' or east about as kelly thought it was called.
It was then time for the walk home back to the hotel of doom.

Day 2

'oh kelly' i said half asleep half drunk as she was sat in the sink having a wee, then i fell back asleep. Then i woke up again to the sound of 'eurrrrrrrrrrrrrr' yes kelly had actually gone to the real toilet this time, an hour after weeing in the sink, isnt she just class that girl.
We shortly after went for breakfast, during which the woman(murderers wife) asked us if we had had a good night and we must have been bored to go out.She also said have a drink on her(she obviously doesnt get out much or ever) anyway she also spoke about the hotel mascot which was a stuffed bear. She said 'its something soft to cuddle so they feel safe'
This made us feel slightly odd and we wanted to get out as soon as possibe, we also noticed that there was a woman with a tattoo of a dolphin jumping through a sunset..how original.
Anyway moving swiftly on it was time to go to the zoo!
We walked to the bus stop near the blackpool tower to then be told it wasnt the right bus and to go to the next stop even though the bus clearly said blackpool zoo!
so we waited for absolutly ages for the bus during which several taxis pulled up saying they would take us to the zoo for £7.00 not many people took them up on this offer.
When the bus finally arrived it was the same bus as before! it was even the same driver, what the hell?
We got on the bus and went to the top and found that this was a crazy bus it was like being on a roller coaster! at one point we nearly had our heads taken offby a tree, crazy
We finally arrived at the zoo in one piece, we went to the gift shop and bought giraffe and tiger masks, it had to be done!
We walked round the zoo with our masks on our heads and saw loads of animals my favourite was the monkey that chucked all wood shavings on its head as if to say 'haha you cant see me'
We also saw an ostrich that wouldnt stop staring at us and it made us think what is it thinking'what ya looking at'
Yes we are abit strange!
after looking at animals for hours we headed back to the bus from hell and then went into blackpool town and spent 2 hours moaning about the fact we had no money to buy anything.
Eventually we headed back to the hotel of doom and ended up falling asleep for 3 hours!
When we woke up at half 6 we had a craving for kfc so trecked back into the town had our dose of chicken then walked back but stopped by at one of the tack shops and decided to buy some glow glasses, random i know.
So it was that time again, time to get ready take stupid pictures and drink out of mugs!
We decided to rave in our room with our glasses on and take pictures of us in the cupboard.
After doing this for hours we finally left the hotel of doom to walk into town...It was freezing! and i suddenly felt far too sober.
At this point we decided it would be a good  idea to buy uv paint so we went to the shop drew some on our faces and went to walkabout, people must have been thinking why an earth have they got paint on there faces? We then decided to go to the toilets and cover ourselves in the uv paint.
After realising it was full of old people we left to find more fun and cheap drinks...so we walked down the street and heard some bouncers say 'are you looking for  business'! we couldnt quite belive what we had just heard! anyway the next stop was  yates in which we drank wine and got gradually more   drunk, all the time being watched by some young looking guys, it was embarassing watching it because he kept trying to come over but couldnt, he would be constantly pretending to look at his phone. Bless him!
Then kelly looked down and noticed she had the paint on her trousers so we went to the toilets to try get it off and was given washing tips by an old looking woman.
After this we decided to move on and for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to go to 'knobbys karoake bar' we walked in and looked at each other and said oh maybe not, but decided to stay for one drink.
This one drink lead to several drinks, singing badly to s clubs hit 'reach' meeting loads of guys from bristol, putting more paint on ourselves, all in our hair, covering the guys in the paint, singing with one of the guys to elton john....I dont remeber much more!
We eventually left the karaoke place leaving our dignity at home!
We ended up in some random bar and then the next thing kelly went to be sick said something and went, she walked out and left. I Then decided a few minutes to go and thought it would be a good idea to go for ANOTHER kfc! i went to kfc and put the box in my handbag and started the walk home, not knowing where i was going i just kept walking for what seemed like hours, during this time thought it would be a perfectly good idea to ring everyone in my phone book and sending ridiculous drunken texts to everyone...oh dear. Anyway i finally made it back to the hotel of doom to find kelly in a bit of a mess she had been sick on her trousers which were in the sink!
Thinking nothing of this i opened my bag and produced the box of chicken saying ' ive got chicken in my bag'
Shortly after this i fell asleep.
Day 3

I woke up with the thoughts ' where i am' 'did i go out last night' 'why am i covered in paint' 'eurgh i feel like death'
I then discovered the whole bed was covered in the infamous uv paint and thought oh god.
Kelly said to me 'what happened last night' and i was thinking this is like a moment from the film the hangover, kelly then discovered her trousers in the sink covered in sick, gross.
I think i may have still been drunk because i started singing the song from the club advert ' if you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our club' but i added at the end ' if you dont then fuck off' I kept repeating this several times. I then touched my hair and felt the paint, it was disgusting and i was thining whatever possessed me to put paint in my hair!
I also discovered i must have been eating sweets in my sleep cos the packet was empty.
We then realised it was half 9am and we had to be gone by half 10, we skipped breakfast and begun the task of packing all our stuff, i could barely move i felt that ill.
We finally left at 10.27am and said bye to the murderers wife and the woman said how much she liked kellys hair! i was thinking you wont like it that much when you see its all over the sheets(i hope they dont charge us) im dreading the bill.
After putting our stuff in the car we took one final walk into the town and went in search of bluetack for kellys broken sat nav, so she stole some bluetack from a shop and bought some stevie wonder type sunglasses in the process.
We then decided we wanted food so ended up in a packed wetherspoons and i had the big breakfast which consisted of 2 of everything it was huge! we both at this point felt so sick and tired and thought we wasnt gonna make it home and we would have to suffer another night at the hotel of doom to recover but luckily we felt ok and set off for the long drive home
The bluetack didnt work so i had to hold the sat nav the whole way home, on the way home we discovered a house in the middle of the m62 and spent about an hour debating how he gets to his house how does he get any food, how does he get any post, it was simply a mystery as there was no road to his house...crazy.
Anyway 2 hours later we finally arrived home and all i wanted to do was sleep....
what a weekend it has been!

thanks for reading

Do men really only think about one thing?

My rant for the day is about the way men think...

Why is it men only think about us women as a prize, a trophy, an achievement?
Do they really want to get to know us at all?
Myself and alot of my friends recieve 'offers' from men all the time asking if we want to go back to theirs.
Now it doesnt take a genious to work out they arent just up for a game of scrabble.
They simply see us as one thing, they just want our clothes on their bedroom floor.
It makes me think do they actually think this is what we want to hear, do they think we should feel special for being asked this?
Do we have the word 'easy' written on ourselves?
And if we turn them down they dont want to know us

where do they get the idea from that is it perfectly fine to treat women like this?
Is it from the media?
You cant go a day without  turning on the television or radio and hearing songs that are about women and sex, its all songs about meeting women in clubs and seeing women as objects, these songs dont talk about love, the thing is they sell records.
So it got me thinking is this what men aspire to the men in these records, do they belive that is how they should behave.

Another factor is alcohol, men go out and get intoxicated to ' pull ' they dont go out to find a future girlfriend they go out to pull so they can add another number to their bed post and tell their friends about it the next day. They will take a girl home and then have no intention of calling them the next day, they most likely wont even remember their name, they are just another number.
 But if it was the other way round and it was the woman who was behaving like this she would get a reputaion as a 'slag' or a 'whore' why is this?
But men can do it time after time and all people will do is laugh
Its just not right and it has to stop

thanks for reading!

The truth about men

The truth about men

Ive come to realise over the last few years than men really are all the same, they may appear different at first but deep down you are all dating the same guy!
Ive come to realise there is no 'nice guy' there is always a catch, unfortunatly you dont realise this until it is too late.
So ive come up with a list of home truths you should know:

1. It takes guys less than 10 seconds on looking at you whether or not they think your dress would look good on their bedroom floor or not.
2. They will listen to everything you say with such enthusiasm but really they couldnt care less.
3.They WILL be texting other girls
4. They will talk about you to their mates but not about how much they like you just about how good you are in bed.
5. They will tell you what they want you to hear
6. Their friends will always take the main priority
7. They think it is perfectly fine to be seeing you for months and have no need for anything serious.
8. They dont want anything serious but hate you talking to other guys
9. They want the perfect girl( this doesnt exist)
10.They will tell you they love you because they think its what you want to hear.
11. They will always have friends that are girls
12. They will use the most lame excuses to break up with you such as i need time to think, i need some space, we can be friends for abit and then see, im not ready for a relationship, im still in love with my ex, or they may just not bother telling you at all and give you the silent treatment.
13. No matter what they will always think they arent in the wrong
14. They will fancy your mates
15. They WILL pull on holiday and then lie about it
16. Guys belive in the term why have one girl when you can have a different one every week.
17.Their number one love will always be themselves
18. They will try to make you feel guilty/jealous/paranoid whenever possible
19. They are 50% more likely to cheat when they are under the influence
20. They will brush you under the carpet like you never existed.

Ive realised that every guy makes you believe in your head that it must be you and that its your fault, they will do this to many girls and every girl will do think the same thing.
Well this has got to stop, we have got to stop letting guys do this to us!

Thanks for reading